Crappy DVD of the Week: Doom (Unrated)

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? I can, and it reeks of D list celebrities and a script salvaged from the dumpster outside the window of Filmwriting 101. Greetings, loyal readers, and welcome to this week's edition of Crappy DVD of the Week. This week, we'll be taking a brief look at Doom (Unrated). This cinematic equivalent of a failed abortion takes us on a wild ride to Mars, where we are treated to cliche dialogue, off-the-shelf CGI, a plot so thin it could shave the hairs off a rat's ass, and a veiled attempt to capture what movie producers felt would be a built-in audience.

At its core, Doom is loosely based on the video game of the same name, released over 10 years ago by Id. Doom is a legend among video games because it is arguably the original first person shooter, and also introduced us to John Carmack, quite possibly the most brilliant video game designer in history. The game centered around a lone marine sent to Mars to fight demons who have been unleashed from (presumably) hell. The game has spawned 2 sequels, and dozens of copycats over the years.

The movie departs from the game slightly in that it is not demons our heroes are faced with, but rather scientists-turned-genetic mutations, the result of a lab experiment gone horribly wrong (insert any number of similar movies here). For the next 2 hours, we get to see our protagonists taken down one by one, leaving us with the two primary subjects for the final battle. The movie ends with a 4 minute segment shot from the first person point of view, an homage to the game, and one of the main selling points of the film when it hit theaters.

So, where does that leave us? Let's break it down:

The Good:

• Mindless, non-stop action is a good way to kill 2 hours
• Rosamund Pike is severely hot and needs to be in more movies
• Karl Urban is almost likeable
• The chance to see Sarge, Pinky, and a BFG on the big screen

The Bad:

• The out of the way attempts to signal to the audience when a nod is given to the game (yes, we see it says BFG, you don't need to spend 4 minutes on it). I would have preferred the references to have been on the periphria (e.g. Carmack's name on a locker rather than spoken at least 50 times) than be shoved down our throats
• Why couldn't the plot have been the same as the game? What's wrong with demons from hell? Did it really have to rip off Resident Evil?

The Ugly:

• The "Unrated" lure yet again (watch for a rant from me about that in the near future)
• The first-person sequence: much hyped, failed to deliver
• The fact that I actually went to see this in theaters

In closing, if you're looking for 2 hours of mindless entertainment, or something to have on the TV while you're doing something else (such as reading this blog), by all means, rent (don't buy) this movie. However, if your tastes are a trifle more discerning, I highly recommend you avoid this drivel at all costs.

posted by Jon @ 10:32 PM Comments: 1