What's Going on with Jenna Jameson?

She looks like Latoya Jackson with AIDS now. Gah.

Labels: cocaines a hell of a drug, jenna jameson, nightmare fuel

posted by Drone @ 3:10 PM Comments: 1

300: This is a REVIEWWW

There's been a lot of anticipation for the latest Frank Miller (see: Sin City) graphic novel adaptation: 300. While technically the story is based on the...well, it doesn't even matter, because this makes no attempt at being historically accurate and really isn't the point. The story starts with a "Persian" messenger warning the king of SPARRTTAAA, Leonidas, to kneel before the Persian Empire. Obviously, Leonidas, a grumpy kind of guy who tends not to wear armor during battle, isn't in the mood to bargain with the most African looking Persian I've ever seen. (Perhaps he was confused by this) and kicks the messenger down a bottomless pit. (Which is madness!)

Unfortunately for Leon, before he can send his troops to war he must consult a council of elders. They, in turn, consult an oracle. (By oracle I mean hot, naked chick) She writhes around for awhile before breathlessly whispering that war is not an option. Bummer! This leads a completely sad and completely naked Leon to pine the state of the empire before laying the pine to the Queen a few minutes later. (Heavy is the brow that wears the crown, indeed.)

Luckily for SPARRRRTAAA!, the king is quite cunning and is able to circumvent the Oracle's whims and takes his finest 300 troops (get it? get it?) on a nice stroll through the mountains and rough terrain to the sea, where coincidentally, the Persians are going to land! What a lucky break! Along the way, they run into Quasimodo, who fancies himself a Spartan. (Go back home, Frenchie!) Needless to say, he gets kicked out faster than a SPARRRTAAAAN! can chuck a spear at an enemy from 30 paces.

What follows next is a lot of battle scenes set to heavy metal music. It's also very much like a video game in the sense that it seems that there are "boss battles." Level 1 they face a mindless horde. Level 2 they face a giant. Level 3 they face an unnerving amount of estrogen, etc. During these battles we get to meet the Persian king Xerxes. I would say he's about 9 to 12 feet tall, blacker than Wesley Snipes, and about twice as effeminate as RuPaul. Just what you picture in a Persian.

There's sort of a plot in there somewhere, but it's really secondary to slow motion shots of people being beheaded, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. The violence and cinematography is highly stylized and it looks like the comic book jumping right off the page. Much like Sin City, many shots (and most dialogue) are taken straight from the book. It is definitely one of the highlights of the film; however, Robert Rodriguez handles the Sin City material better than Zach Snyder handles 300. This makes sense because Rodriguez is a better director. Oh yeah, and Faramir loses his eye.

All in all, I'd say go see it. I bet it will look awesome in Hi-Def.

Labels: 300, SPAAARTAAA

posted by Drone @ 2:55 PM Comments: 0

Better Late than Never: A Look at Scorsese's Oscar Nominations

So after 40 years of film-making, one of the greatest directors ever finally was honored as best director for The Departed. Previously, he had been 0 - 5 (Raging Bull, Last Temptation of Christ, Goodfellas, Gangs of New York, and The Aviator) An odd footnote to this is that 3 of his losses have come against actors-turned-directors. (Robert Redford, Kevin Costner, Clint Eastwood) I'm not sure that means anything, but it's curious.

Six movies he has directed have been nominated for best picture (Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Gangs of New York, The Aviator, and The Departed.) Like best director, he had previously been 0 - 5 in this department until The Departed.

Let's take a look at what Scorsese was up against these years for Best Director and see how history has viewed his films and the winners.

I'd like to first point out that somehow he wasn't nominated for Taxi Driver. So, let's take a look at that year first.

Winner:
	Rocky (1976) - John G. Avildsen
Other Nominees:
	All the President's Men (1976) - Alan J. Pakula Ansikte mot ansikte (1976) - Ingmar Bergman Network (1976) - Sidney Lumet Pasqualino Settebellezze (1975) - Lina Wertmüller

While the other nominees are either worthy (All the President's Men, Network) and the other two I can't judge because I haven't seen them, I can state with certainty that the direction in Taxi Driver was superior to Rocky. Rocky also took home best picture that year (where Taxi Driver did get a nomination.)

Now, let's look at the first nomination: Raging Bull.

Winner:
	Ordinary People (1980) - Robert Redford (I)
Other Nominees:
	Elephant Man, The (1980) - David Lynch (I) Raging Bull (1980) - Martin Scorsese Stunt Man, The (1980) - Richard Rush (I) Tess (1979) - Roman Polanski

I have the same thought here that I do for Best Picture in 1980. The Elephant Man and Raging Bull took votes away from each other. Both are classics, and I could accept The Elephant Man here, but Ordinary People? Give me a break.

Next we have The Last Temptation of Christ.

Winner:
	Rain Man (1988) - Barry Levinson (I)
Other Nominees:
	Fish Called Wanda, A (1988) - Charles Crichton Last Temptation of Christ, The (1988) - Martin Scorsese Mississippi Burning (1988) - Alan Parker (I) Working Girl (1988) - Mike Nichols (I)

A controversial movie about Jesus against a movie about someone with a mental issue? He never had a chance. Hollywood loves movies like Rain Man and the actors who play the characters. (This just goes to show how bad Cuba Gooding Jr. was in Radio. You really have to be terrible to not get a sympathy nod.)

Next up we have Goodfellas.

Winner:
	Dances with Wolves (1990) - Kevin Costner
Other Nominees:
	Godfather: Part III, The (1990) - Francis Ford Coppola Goodfellas (1990) - Martin Scorsese Grifters, The (1990) - Stephen Frears Reversal of Fortune (1990) - Barbet Schroeder

Here we have the infernal Dances with Wolves winning. Everyone was in love with Kevin Costner that year, and it ultimately led him to make bloated (even more so than Wolves) movies like the infamous Waterworld and The Postman. Goodfellas pistol whips Dances with Wolves in front of all its friends in the driveway. Also, how did Godfather III get so much love from voters?

Following Goodfellas, the next film nominated was Gangs of New York. Nominated for 10 Academy Awards, it walked away with squadoosh. In terms of directors, this is how the nominees looked:

Winner:
	Pianist, The (2002) - Roman Polanski - Roman Polanski was not present at the awards ceremony, being a fugitive from U.S. justice since fleeing the country in 1978. Presenter Harrison Ford (I) accepted the award on his behalf.
Other Nominees:
	Chicago (2002) - Rob Marshall Gangs of New York (2002) - Martin Scorsese Hable con ella (2002) - Pedro Almodóvar Hours, The (2002) - Stephen Daldry

Can't really argue here, Polanski is a great director. Holocaust movies tend to do well in Hollywood. I think we can all be happy that Chicago didn't win.

Finally, Scorsese's last loss was in 2005 for The Aviator.

Winner:
	Million Dollar Baby (2004) - Clint Eastwood
Other Nominees:
	Aviator, The (2004) - Martin Scorsese Ray (2004/I) - Taylor Hackford Sideways (2004) - Alexander Payne (I) Vera Drake (2004) - Mike Leigh

Million Dollar Baby inexplicably wins here. I'm not sure why. I would say any of the other directors could have taken this one. Also, Hillary Swank with two Oscars? Really? Is she really one of the top actresses ever? I'm pretty sure that anyone who starred in the movie The Core should have any awards taken away. With extreme prejudice if necessary.

Labels: people getting screwed, scorsese

posted by Drone @ 11:06 AM Comments: 2

"I felt as if I were asphyxiating in an avalanche of sagging flesh."

If someone said the quote above to you, would you want to see the movie being described? (No, it's not Grandma Gangbangers 87. In this case, the movie is Wild Hogs and the unfortunate soul who had to sit through the movie was Michael Sragow of the Baltimore Sun.) I would say no; however, stupid people turned out in droves this week (to the tune of 38 million dollars) in order to laugh at the comedic stylings of Vinnie Barbarino, Tim "The Tool" Taylor, "Black Knight", Ghost Rider, and uhhh...William H. Macy.

Hey look, it's a bunch of washed up (Sorry, William, I'll let this one slide) actors in a movie about a motorcycle craze that died down for most of the country 3 years ago! I wonder who gets in a misunderstanding with a "Hell's Angel" type? I wonder who will accidentally knock down a row of bikes making every one run for their life? I wonder who'll get caught selling drugs and spend time in prison? (Oh, wait, that's Tim Allen.) I wonder which one will forget to pack some Depends and have to borrow a slightly used pair from John Travolta? (That's Xenu juice to you, pal.) I wonder how many American Chopper t-shirts were in the crowd? (Over half, probably.)

Thankfully, there was some counter-programming for the few of us (13.1 million dollars) who aren't easily placated with the loose jowls of Travotla in the form of Zodiac. It took something that could be done in a very boring way (based on the Zodiac serial killer from the late 60's in California), and made it very interesting and suspenseful. It also stuck to the facts reasonably well.

So, if you want to use your brain and see a good movie, see Zodiac.
If you hate your life and your self-loathing knows no limits, see Wild Hogs.

Labels: john travolta's jowls, rubes

posted by Drone @ 11:01 AM Comments: 0